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Post by Finn Innigan on Jul 7, 2012 12:30:07 GMT -6
==> AH: Enter game.
You can't enter the game, dumbshit, you have to connect with Mori first!
==> AH: Run client.
Your name is FINN INNIGAN and you are probably going to die today. Given recent developments in your emotional stability, you're pretty sure you're mostly okay with that.
The part that isn't okay with that just wants to kill Alex. God, you fucking hate that bastard.
You run the client.
-- antiHero [AH] began pestering legendaryRegenerator [LR] at ??:?? --
AH: Mori.
AH: Are you ready to go?
AH: Let's get this show on the fucking road.
AH: I have a douchebag to mutilate. |
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Post by sherpderp on Jul 7, 2012 12:39:06 GMT -6
==> LR: RUN SERVER [/size][/b] Holy shit there's Finn, all sitting there and shit. Help him, dumbass! Your name is MORI MEMENTO and you are going to make ABSOLUTELY SURE that your bro FINN doesn't meet an untimely end today.
You've run the SERVER and you are currently OGLING your CLIENT with the force of a thousand ogles.
[/justify][/size]
LR: †I was born ready to save the world!
LR: †And by extension, your sorry arse!
LR: †Anyway, I've run the thing and I can see you.
LR: †What now?
[/spoiler] |
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Post by Finn Innigan on Jul 7, 2012 12:44:32 GMT -6
==> AH: Calm the fuck down.
Fuck you.
==> AH: Fine. Be angry.
You take a deep breath and calm the fuck down.
==> AH: Have Mori save your ass!
You look up from your INCREDIBLY SHITTY DESKTOP, half-expecting to see cameras everyfuckinwhere. But nope, no cameras. Just a creepy-ass game.
AH: fuck you motherfucker
AH: i would save my own ass if i could
AH: okay uh
AH: i actually have no fucking idea
AH: no one tells me anything
AH: youre the hero here right
AH: do some heroic shit
AH: my ass is depending on you
AH: my ass that i would totally save myself
AH: if that were a thing i could do |
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Post by sherpderp on Jul 7, 2012 12:51:40 GMT -6
==> LR: DEPLOY SHIT [/size][/b] Whatever. You quit ogling Finn and set about navigating the menus of this piece of shit game. Somewhere along the line you find some shit you can apparently set down in Finn's home, even better they're free.
But the question is; do you gently move his stuff around and run the risk of him getting killed by a space rock, or do you fucking throw shit out the window and expedite your heroics?
[/justify][/size] ==> LR: THROW SHIT [/size][/b] You decide to completely fuck up Finn's house.
LR: †Finn, keep your fuckin' head down for a few minutes!
LR: †I'm gonna put some giant fuckin' machinery all around your house.
LR: †Ideally, you will figure out what to do with them.
LR: †Should you fail, well, you're fucked.
LR: †I'm gonna check around and see if there's some fuckin' help file or some shit.
[/spoiler] You begin by throwing Finn's bed through the nearest wall. Fuck beds. In it's place you stick the ALCHEMITER. You hope that shit is important. You begin chucking more shit through walls to make room for the TOTEM LATHE and CRUXTRUDER. You have NO IDEA what these things do.
[/justify][/size] |
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Post by Finn Innigan on Jul 7, 2012 13:14:57 GMT -6
==> AH: Flip the fuck out.
You don't flip the fuck out, but christ, your house is being ripped the fuck apart!
You duck, crouching next to your next so you can keep an eye on Mori's messages. You seriously need something mobile, because you're gonna be doing a fuck of a lot of running around if you want to keep in touch with your PRETTY FUCKIN COOL BRO -- er, SIS? Sure, SIS.
It's a good thing you work out. Fuck yeah, cardio.
Aw fuck, there goes another window. You haven't even fixed the one downstairs yet.
AH: jesus h christ girl
AH: i have no fuckin idea what this shit does
AH: okay uh
AH: im just going to fuck around with this shit
AH: see what happens
You go over to the CRUXTRUDER, though you DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT IT'S CALLED, and you try to turn the wheel with your good arm. No dice. You try again. Nope.
Fuck.
You're tall enough -- you're a MOTHERFUCKING GIANT OF A DUDE -- so you hit the top of the stupid fucking thing in frustration. The lid pops open.
A stupid shiny thing comes out and starts spewing shit that doesn't make sense all over the fuckin' place. You ignore it for now, because the TIMER on the CRUXTRUDER is making you SERIOUSLY FUCKIN' NERVOUS.
Five minutes. You don't really know what it's counting down to, but you think you have a PRETTY GOOD FUCKING IDEA, so you HUSTLE THE FUCK AROUND without actually DOING ANYTHING.
You captchalogue the TUBE THING (9) and look around helplessly.
You go back to your computer.
AH: okay apparently i got like five minutes before some shit happens
AH: 4:30 now
AH: is there anything else to toss around my room
AH: i think that other thing over there with the fucking sharp looking things has like
AH: some kinda fuckin slot
AH: but i dont fuckin know what to put in there
AH: any ideas |
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Post by sherpderp on Jul 7, 2012 13:29:25 GMT -6
==> LR: PANIC [/size][/b] You are far too angry to panic! You click about your interface, trying to figure out just what the fuck the TIMER means. You get JACK SHIT. You can only assume it's bad, and that it probably has something to do with the giant spa...Dear God.
[/justify][/size]
LR: †FINN.
LR: †I think that shitty timer is countin' down for the meteor!
LR: †Fuck Fuck Fuck!
LR: †Uhhh.
LR: †A slot?
LR: †Like, a card slot? A keycard? SOME KIND OF FUCKING CARD!?
LR: †What was that tube shit I saw you snag?
LR: †Do you think you can do some shit with that?
[/spoiler] ==> LR: FUCK WITH THINGS [/size][/b] FUCCCCCKKKK You frantically click all about the screen until you come across something interesting. A fucking card. You throw that shit out to Finn, you have a feeling the puzzle is coming together now.
[/justify][/size]
LR: †HERE.
LR: †CARD.
LR: †GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO
[/spoiler] |
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Post by Finn Innigan on Jul 7, 2012 15:40:43 GMT -6
==> AH: FLIP THE FUCK OUT
YOU ARE FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT
AH: fuck shit motherfucker
AH: i dont fucking know jesus fucking christ oh my fucking god
AH: okay
AH: okay im going to fuck with shit
AH: if i die
AH: its been nice knowing you
==> AH: FUCK WITH SHIT
You just PICK UP the PRE-PUNCHED CARD without CAPTCHALOGUING IT because JESUS H CHRIST YOU DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW. Still FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT, you do that thing where you MOVE REALLY FAST but you don't quite FLASHSTEP, and you shove the CARD into the TOTEM LATHE.
You have NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT TO DO, but that EMPTY SPACE looks VAGUELY TUBE THING (9)-SHAPED so you figure you'll just STICK IT IN THERE.
FINN: fucking christ motherfucking goddamn asswiping bitchfucking whoresucking cuntlicking shiteating ASSHAT
The TUBE THING (9) is ejected from your SYLLADEX. You stick it in the EMPTY SPACE and press some RANDOM FUCKING BUTTONS while checking the timer. Two minutes. Fuck.
The TOTEM LATHE carves the TUBE THING into a WEIRD FUCKING SQUIGGLY GREEN TUBE THING and you JUST PICK THAT UP, TOO, because FUCK THAT'S A LOT OF LETTERS and you literally HAVE NO TIME AT ALL because FUCK IT'S AT 1:30 and you are WASTING PRECIOUS SECONDS as you INTERNALLY MONOLOGUE in this EXTREMELY FUCKING ANGRY FASHION.
You go to the only appliance you haven't used, which is the ALCHEMITER. You find another EMPTY SPACE that looks like it could fit a WEIRD FUCKING SQUIGGLY GREEN TUBE THING, so you stick it on there and HIT THE FUCKING THING.
It's not doing anything.
You don't know what to do.
You vaguely remember Lexi fucking sassy bitch blogging seriously fuck that blog something about prototyping weak shit. You MOVE REALLY FAST to the room across the hall, lift your 200-POUND BENCHPRESS BAR THING, and heave it into the WEIRD FLASHING THING that's been following you around.
It splits, and one part flies off. Whatthefuckever.
You MOVE REALLY FAST back to the ALCHEMITER. Nothing happened.
30 seconds.
You HIT THE FUCKING THING again.
NOTHING IS HAPPENING FUoh wait no there's a green fucking sandbag thing.
20 seconds.
You don't know what to do.
You punch the sandbang in frustration. And then you punch it again. And again.
10.
You keep punching the EVERLOVING SHIT out of this bag and JESUS FUCKING CHRIST you're going to DIE.
5.
4.
3.
You PUNCH and you PUNCH and you FUCKING FLIP YOUR SHIT AND PUNCH.
2.
1.
The sandbag bursts. |
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Post by sherpderp on Jul 7, 2012 19:27:09 GMT -6
==> LR: VOMIT [/size][/b] You manage to suppress your panic heaving. For now. You have no idea what the shit just happened, but you're going to be extremely sad if Finn died. Like, seriously, he was the only normal one in your friend circle. The only one who really got you as a person. You are starting to bum yourself out.
[/justify][/size]
LR: †SWEET FUCKIN' JESUS!
LR: †Finn!?
LR: †Finn you okay man?
LR: †Dude! Answer me!
[/spoiler] ==> LR: PRAY [/size][/b] You begin pleading with the Lord, just this once, you've never asked for anything before. Before long, the smoke clears, your desktop's signal clears up. You can see fin, looking just as dumbstruck as yourself. You reflexively look to the painting of Jesus hanging from the wall behind you and whisper a silent thanks.
[/justify][/size]
LR: †Ask and ye shall receive.
LR: †Finn, are you alright?
LR: †How are things looking on your end?
LR: †Still under a space rock?
[/spoiler] |
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