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Post by pol on Jul 8, 2012 21:58:48 GMT -6
==> Kracow: Seethe like a petulant loser.
Got it. You are, after all, a petulant loser. One of 12 losers, at least. Or apparently 24. You're finding it difficult to speak with any of them in the wake of your crushing failure at the merciless hands of the cosmos. It's not like it was during sgrub, when there were things to be done, and sitting idly was out of the question, and in your distant sight loomed a common goal. Now these things haunt your thoughts, and you fixate on things that span realms out of your understanding. You're not depressed or frantic, not determined or hopeless, though you wish you could have seen the great undoing ahead of time.
No, you're no seer. You could have sang songs of impending doom, as typical bards are prone to do-- but oddly enough, you always, always, always lacked the musicality and merry cadence you expected of a bard. You were always on the sharp cusp of gloominess, and now you feel the numbness of tipping over on it. You desperately want to drown this out by jawing with one of the others, any of the others as long as they have a capacity for communication. If not that, you want one of them to punch you in the gut.
But they cope in their own ways, so you settle for brooding at your designated computer in the core and watching them go about it. Look at you, so smug and ostensibly contented, slouched over the back of your spinny chair. You enjoy this spinny chair. This spinny chair is the only thing that's going right for you right now.
Some of the others have begun to contact these alien kids at this point; you don't see the fuss. The novelty of these new suckers might distract you from this repugnant feelingsy morass, but you want to watch your own team mates in a frenzy too. You sincerely doubt any random alien team could rival yours in terms of being fucked. Fucked up, down, sideways, and straight through. The forces of the cosmos-- fate, you figure-- have been very thorough about it.
And all that's left for you to do is bide the wait and watch the others to fill the time. You're no watchdog, merely an observer, but all the same you'd urgently prefer for circumstances not to go to total shit any more than they already have.
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Post by lofora on Jul 8, 2012 22:25:24 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Skeptically listen to human music on their human internet.
You've been curious for quite some time. You currently are using devices to concentrate the sound on only you and nobody else. Headphones. But not just any headphones. These things are extra large and extra pretentious.
They also have bass that destroys domepieces and turns thinkpans into oozing slush.
You're currently listening to a song. Human electronic music. By some sort of party of knives? Weird. You cross your arms, and cross your legs, too, as that's how you sit in your spinny chair. It's thoroughly underwhelming. What even is a human "face-book" anywa-
[/center] LOFORA: ✯ hh∞lyy shhiit whhaat thhee ffuuck!
Suddenly, the music really fucking kicks in and you can't even handle yourself. You never raise your voice. You never exclaim. But now? Oh, now it is completely justified. Though, truly, you don't even know you said anything. The volume is much too loud, and a bit of domepiece-shattering bass must be leaking out. You stare at the screen wide-eyed, unmoving. Your hands are frozen in the air.
You're basically catatonic.
This is fucking great. [/center] |
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Post by pol on Jul 8, 2012 23:16:35 GMT -6
==> Kracow: React
You react. You are not generally frightened of sudden, loud noises, but maybe hurling through dead space on a clinky, dinky little boulder has unnerved you a little. You just barely suppress a reactive shout, then realize you're being foolish. It's something, at least; the few trolls in the core block with you are talking amongst themselves, with full knowledge that if you joined the conversation you'd dominate it. And most likely steer it towards abstract nonsense.
You turn to see the source of the shout, and the steady hum of noise that followed afterwards. Lofora, of course. You stare at her back, blinking, then wheel yourself the short distance over to her side. You pause, your legs extended on either side of the chair back, kicked out and relaxed. But as usual, when interacting with an aristocrat, you feel every inch the backwoods plebian, and you quickly check to see if certain trolls are around to disapprove of your proximity to her. It seems not, so you just reach out and prod her firmly in the back.
You happen to like Lofora-- even if you were on different teams during the game, you wish you'd been teamed with her rather than a few of the other toxic highbloods. She went along with things and thought rather abstractly; you could respect that. You wish you had half the seeming peace of mind.
KRACOW: I spose I should ask what caused that raucous outburst just then. Or whatever it is you're doing now, starin blankly ahead like a dead fish? But instead, allow me to humbly suggest that you snap the scrappin fuck out of it? Good idea, I'm glad I thought of it.
A pause. You look past her shoulder at the screen, puzzled, and then you point and wheel yourself closer to the desk to get a better look at this inordinately odd cultural... experience.
KRACOW: What are you wastin your time on? What's this? Could it be a study in HUMAN frivolities? Can you handle the insane intrinsic intrigue in all this ALIEN gobbledygook? Wait, abort those questions, here's the better one that actually matters. Have you talked to any of these hapless losers yet or are you engaging in preliminary study? I spose it'd be more efficient to learn about the endemic cultures and customs before making contact. I wasn't so sure about dispatching my own conversational overture just yet, ah--
Belatedly, you realize that you have been firing stacatto questions and not actually leaving room for responses, especially considering that the other troll may have just had her auricular glands blown out. Passive and unwitting human terrorism??? You turn to look at Lofora questioningly.
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Post by lofora on Jul 8, 2012 23:30:52 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Revive.
Your think-pan thoroughly melted, you keep listening anyway. Fuck, this is great. This is the kind of stuff you can blast forever and ever, always. It doesn't even matter that it's made by the humans. You don't care. This is good enough. But, you feel a prod on your back and you shake your head a bit, coming back to the meteor from far, far away. You remove the cans, surprised that they are literally shaking. You put them down nonetheless and turn to Kracow. Nice. He was... Well, fuck, he meant well. But damn did this dude go on and on for fucking ever. Though sometimes it was cool. You like to think you might be one of very few who can handle it with ease.
[/center] LOFORA: ✯ shhiit, duudeer.
LOFORA: ✯ thheesee ffuuckiin.
LOFORA: ✯ kniiffee paartyy ff∞lks.
LOFORA: ✯ thheeyy'ree hhuumaans.
LOFORA: ✯ juust liikee, hh∞lyy ffuuckiing shhiit, maan, thheeyy liiteeraallyy juust bleew myy miind.
LOFORA: ✯ myy d∞mpiieecee iis hhuurtliing cleeaar aacr∞ss spaacee.
LOFORA: ✯ iin aa g∞∞d waayy thh∞uughh.
LOFORA: ✯ iin aa greeaat waayy.
You blink a few times, still in the process of returning to the meteor metaphysically. He shoots like ten trillion fucking questions at you and you barely hear any of them. Not because you can't hear them. You can hear them fine. It's just... You can't really take anything in after what you just heard. But you do so well enough. [/center] LOFORA: ✯ ii'm liisteeniing t∞ thheeiir tuunees, whhiichh aaree ffuuckiin biitchhiin.
LOFORA: ✯ ii'vee taalkeed t∞ aa buunchh ∞ff thheem, thheeyy'ree preettyy c∞∞l, naawmsaayyiin?
LOFORA: ✯ buut, shhiit, thheeyy neeveer t∞ld mee thheeyy hhaad shhiit liikee thhiis, duudeer.
LOFORA: ✯ ii aam juust.
LOFORA: ✯ ii'm iin aawee.
LOFORA: ✯ beeiing thhee paart creeaat∞r ∞ff thheeiir uuniiveersee, ii aam s∞ iinffiiniiteelyy pr∞uud riighht n∞w.
LOFORA: ✯ shhiit duudeer ii ffeeeel liikee cryyiing.
LOFORA: ✯ waannaa hheeaar?
You don't feel like crying, actually. Well, you kinda do, but you won't because that's just ridiculous. Regardless, you hold up the headphones, pausing the music and rewinding to the beginning. This shit was life changing. [/center] |
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Post by pol on Jul 9, 2012 11:58:27 GMT -6
==> Kracow: Let curiosity get the better of you.
You consider what she says. Lofora probably thinks that nearly everything is cool, so you're still not sure what to make of the alien kids. You guess you're going to have to talk to them. That requires the pains of introductory social interaction, which you're not willing to put yourself through right now, so you figure you can just crudely skip that part and start investigating both earth practices, and the specific mishaps that led to your current position. And again, for a bard, you're not too interested in music.
But maybe alien music that makes your skull hurl across space and then implode. Or alien music that screws your head inside out. What a lovely distraction. And Lofora seems blown away, anyway. You reach a hand out for the headphones quizzically.
KRACOW: Hahaha, alright, I'm sure your taste in music is excellent, anyway. What's a human knife party?
You think that they perhaps fight with knives festively? And play hardcore music while they do it? Maybe they're less squishy-soft than you originally thought. That bothers you, for whatever reason; you slip on the headphones and snake your hand over the keyboard to press the space bar and play the music.
Well, okay, you can kind of see a charming quality of this. You're more overtaken by the volume, though, it's a little loud-- and then suddenly, the music kicks in, and your eyes bulge out and you twitch a little. Fucking.... OW. Fucking OW is really the entire extent of your thoughts on this matter at this time. Except that maybe it's kind of okay, once you get used to it. All the same, your sponge clots are going to ring, and your head spins so fast that merry-go-rounds everywhere become envious.
You slip the headphones off and hand them back to Lofora, wearing a neutral, thoughtful expression.
KRACOW: Well, that certainly was... something. Personally, I'm not so sure about the world we created. Are they even grateful? I think we went through a lot of trouble and sacrifice in order to provide the genesis for all this human fuckery. And what do they do with their existences, they make pan-thumpin music and ferocious, indomitable demons. Bastards, the lot of them.
KRACOW: Wait a moment, is there any other cool human shit you've found?
KRACOW: I'm going to need to learn about this if I want to bother them, I think. Schoolfeed me on the human ways, if you'd please, Lo?
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Post by lofora on Jul 9, 2012 12:54:34 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Be the human Knife Party.
You can't.
Fuck.
You're almost sad now, but you can't, because you've just listened to something absolutely amazing and you're now being complimented on your music tastes, an occurrence which doesn't happen every day. Or ever. You grin.
[/center] LOFORA: ✯ ffuuck yyeeaahh, duudeer, ii kn∞w aall ∞ff thhee muusiic.
LOFORA: ✯ aa hhuumaan kniiffee paartyy iis aa hhuumaan muusiic gr∞uup. thhaat's whhaat thheeyy'ree caalleed.
You watch him as he listens. You grow in anticipation until you're grinning like an idiot, your hands curled into little fists, and you're almost wiggling a bit. You're so excited. You're going to watch him fucking die in a few seconds because of how awesome it is. You can't handle this, except you can, because it's so amazing.
You think it's about to drop and oh there he goes. You start to giggle and clap your hands, enjoying this too much. He lost his domepiece. Just like you. You can't imagine what the other trolls would be like when they listen to this. You kind of actually hope that you won't ever show Caegar. It might inspire her to go on a rampage or some crazy shit like that. No thank you.
He gives you back your cans, and he tries to brush it off. Whatever, guy. [/center] LOFORA: ✯ ffuuck yyeeaahh iit waas s∞meethhiing, iit waas s∞meethhiing ffuuckiin briilliiaant, naawmsaayyiin?
LOFORA: ✯ naahh, thheeyy'ree n∞t graateeffuul, buut thhaat's ∞nlyy beecaauusee thheeyy d∞n't ffuuckiin kn∞w shhiit aab∞uut shhiit, duudeer.
LOFORA: ✯ aand yy∞uu beest n∞t bee iinsuultiin thheeiir hhuumaan kniiffee paartyy ∞r ii d∞n't eeveen kn∞w whhaat ii'll d∞.
He wants to be schoolfed? You'll show him schoolfed. You stand up for no particular reason and crack your neck. You'll schoolfeed him. [/center] LOFORA: ✯ weell, ffiirst aand ff∞reem∞st, thhee hhuumaans aaree n∞t liikee uus, aas thheeyy'ree pr∞nee t∞ maakiing c∞nneectii∞ns muuchh, muuchh eeaasiieer.
LOFORA: ✯ hh∞weeveer, thheeyy d∞ hhaavee thheeiir ffaaiir shhaaree ∞ff snaarkyy aassees.
LOFORA: ✯ iin eeiithheer caasee, thheeyy aaree muuchh liikee uus iin maanyy waayys buut diiffffeereent t∞∞.
LOFORA: ✯ thhee maaiin thhiing iis t∞ eestaabliishh thhee ffaact thhaat yy∞uu aaree thhee aaliieen, beecaauusee thheeyy aaree veeryy eethhn∞ceentriic, aand juust ffuuckiin r∞ll wiithh iit.
LOFORA: ✯ "c∞∞l hhuumaan shhiit"? uuhh, yyeeaahh, thheeree's s∞mee c∞∞l hhuumaan shhiit ∞uut thheeree, ∞bvii∞uuslyy.
LOFORA: ✯ ii hhaaveen't eenc∞uunteereed m∞st ∞ff iit, buut ii'll suureelyy bee ∞n thhee m∞ree viigiilaant l∞∞k∞uut aat thhiis p∞iint.
LOFORA: ✯ thhee hhuumaans caan bee veeryy iinteelliigeent aat tiimees, buut ∞veeraall, aand m∞st iimp∞rtaantlyy.
LOFORA: ✯ hheelp thheem ∞uut, duudeer, thheeyy'ree g∞nnaa neeeed iit. yy∞uu caan hhaatee ∞n thheem aall yy∞uu waant, ii d∞n't giivee aa siinglee ffuuck, juust liikee, shhiit, hheelp thheem ∞uut, naawmsaayyiin?
You sit down, exhausted. Is this what Kracow does every time he opens his mouth? Jegus, and you thought your life was hard. [/center] |
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Post by solarapothecary on Jul 9, 2012 18:09:58 GMT -6
======> CRASH ALIEN BULGESTROKINGFor the past two hours, in an unusual and rare moment of boredom, you sat down in the meteor's computer lab and decided to read about human wrestling techniques. It was all kind of interesting, you guess. Then you hear Lofora flipping out about something. You would have investigated if you weren't so engrossed in boredom and pretentious intrigue, rating these primitive techniques to the rich and expansive wrestling and combat styles of your own people. Obviously they don't even register. You even troll one of the humans for the first time you're that bored. You sighed when Kracow started chattering on at the seadweller, making it difficult to concentrate on your research. Not that you were really researching in the first place. You're sort of just skimming it's all so boring to you. You're so fucking bored. You're really starting to see how boring humans really are. Or you're just a boring person. You don't bother to think about it too much. ITS TIME TO EXERSIZE YOUR LEARNINGS. [/center] ADONIS: aaaAaaAAAAAAHHHHH
And with that primal scream passed down through the generations of your proud warrior people, you sprint at the two bulgestrokers and fling yourself sideways at them in an attempt to catch them both in a cross tackle in those dumb spinny chairs they like so much.
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Post by pol on Jul 9, 2012 19:47:23 GMT -6
====> Respond indifferently. Lofora's words are troublesome, and you wish to question the extents of 'similar but different' and why would you even help them, what is the point. In your opinion, they seem prone to failure and uneventful deaths. As a Bard of Doom, aren't you disposed towards noticing an air of certain DOOM around others? These alien kids reek of it. You suppose you should take Lofora's perspective with serious consideration because she's probably talked to the most of them out of anyone and has the best overall picture, but... Augh. What is this cynicism. Why take things so skeptically. What's the point of that. You chide yourself for your inability to just get things done simply. KRACOW: I hear you. It's not as if it's implausible to be of assistance to someone while simultaneously detesting them, right? Clearly.
KRACOW: It's not like we have anythin more to accomplish on a space boulder. It's not like we can't afford some time to play guides to some clueless little shits, huh.
KRACOW: I mean, really, what are most of us even doing right now?
KRACOW: Screwin around, at best? And just when you finish saying that, you hear a battlecry and glance up. You're not alarmed. You are fully prepared to take the damage out of habit, but a sidelong look at Lofora tells you that she's prepared to take deflective action. You're not going to get full impact anyway, so you press your boots against the metallic floor with a clack and wheel backwards the slightest, blankly watching the two trolls in front of you. [/font] |
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Post by lofora on Jul 9, 2012 19:59:16 GMT -6
==> Lofora: What.
You seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Except not now. That comes later. For now, you simply talk to Kracow and continue to explain your position, glad that he shares your sentiments.
[/center] LOFORA: ✯ reeaal taalk, maan, wiisd∞m.
LOFORA: ✯ ff∞r reeaal thh∞uughh, thhaat shhiit iis whhaat shh∞uuld bee hhaappeeniing, naawmsaayyiin?
LOFORA: ✯ ii'vee beeeen d∞iing aa whh∞lee l∞t ∞ff jaack n∞thhiing siincee-
Cue what, and cue Adonis' war cry. You're not entirely sure what to do, so you just stare at him as he comes at you. You hear a clack and glance to your side and see Kracow scooting. Welp. Looks like you're on your own. You calmly catch Adonis. Now, seriously, what the fuck was he doing? [/center] LOFORA: ✯ yy∞.
LOFORA: ✯ thhee shhiit iis thhaat aab∞uut, duudeer?
LOFORA: ✯ ff∞r reeaal thh∞uughh.
You sigh. You have literally no idea what's happening anymore, but if Adonis wants to fight you, you're going to have to either win brutally, lose because you have no idea what Adonis fights like, or try to get him to calm the fuck down. You're already holding him, so the last one seems most likely. [/center] |
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Post by solarapothecary on Jul 10, 2012 14:01:14 GMT -6
======> SKREEE
[/center]
If you knew what human cartoons were like, you would have seen how comically you had landed on them. Were there such things as onomatopoeia, you would have smacked into them with a hilariously tiny "PAFF." You knew you were never the most physically impressive troll, but gogdamn.
Nonetheless, you are not deterred. Your main target being Kracow, you sort of clumsily launch your lower half from Lofora to grapple the candy blood from behind, wrapping your legs around him so you didn't have to touch the ground.
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Post by pol on Jul 10, 2012 17:35:02 GMT -6
==> Double what
Edging on exasperation, you take the second in the interim between dodging and getting hit anyway to open your mouth. You would like to make a polite and urgent inquiry as to what the good grubmacking fuck Adonis thinks he's even doing, what--
You're like halfway through a negligible syllable when he pins you down. As you are still perched on your spinny chair and your feet are planted on the ground, you figure you could easily stay upright. But to hell with that, he's taken you by surprise and with your devil-may-care attitude regarding injury, you both topple over. You are splayed most awkwardly over this bulky ass chair-- the wheels are still spinning in the air, too-- and you let your head drop with a satisfying clunk. You come as close to as a smile as possible. This isn't too compromising of a position, really, and for a few moments, you just breathe comfortably and stare at the ceiling. Huh.
You have not an inkling of an idea what Full Nelson is supposed to mean. It sounds silly. Both of these trolls are so goddamn frivolous. From underneath him, you eye the jadeblood with an airy ease. You shrug, however nominally you can do so in your current position.
KRACOW: From what I can tell, SOMEONE is waxin a little stir crazy?
KRACOW: What, pray tell, is a full nelson? Or who is it, as the case may be? As appreciatively theatrical as this entrance was, I'm not clear as to whether you want to fight, or if this is more dizzyin bull fuckery?
KRACOW: Hey, I know, if you're going to punch me, do it like--
You squirm to get your right hand from under something or other and let it hover for a few moments before decisively pointing to your stomach.
KRACOW: Like right here. That would be ideal. And then maybe get off of me, subsequently.
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Post by lofora on Jul 10, 2012 17:48:36 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Triple what.
Because you haven't what-ed yet, right? Wait a minute.
These fuckers are weird.
[/center] LOFORA: ✯ aad∞niis.
LOFORA: ✯ aad∞niis.
LOFORA: ✯ whhaat thhee shhiit aaree yy∞uu d∞iing, bruuhh.
LOFORA: ✯ aad∞niis.
You're not getting through to him. You sigh and adjust your pictureshades, making sure they're not displaying smiley faces.
They were.
Awkward.
You quickly change them to another one of your favorites: the scrolling "SWAG". And scroll it does.
Then Kracow begins talking, and they both fall over, and you start laughing because shit this is hilarious. You're glad Adonis is here to liven things up. But, wait, he starts giving Adonis advice on how to punch him in the fucking stomach. What? [/center] LOFORA: ✯ yy∞, hh∞w aab∞uut wee chhiill thhee ffuuck ∞uut?
LOFORA: ✯ ii meeaan thhaat's aa t∞taallyy viiaablee ∞ptii∞n, naawmsaayyiin?
You're not sure if that's how you should have properly handled this situation. [/center] |
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Post by solarapothecary on Jul 11, 2012 18:40:16 GMT -6
======> Oh gog he's crushing you.
Oh jegus this kind of hurts. You fucking hate being crushed. You squirm at first about to freak the fuck out but then concentrate on dragging him up onto his feet once you're sure Kracow is made thoroughly submissive through your dominating FULL NELSON. This is where your opponent does what you want them to do. So, pulling Kracow off to the side off the top of you and taking hold of his hair, you stand up.
[/center] ADONIS: STIR CRAZY?? BIG WURDS COMIN FRUM A SUIT AN' A TIE!!
ADNIS: THIS CALLED DA WURRLD WRUSLIN FEDURASHHUNNN
ADONIS: THIS IS WHERRE AYE SHOW YA THA MACHO MAN MADNESS
You try to imitate that one guy you saw in the internet videos, Randy Savage, sounding as if you're constipated and in the middle of a smoker's cough. Not being a large, bulky, matured alien, however, you sort of squeak through half of it.
You then make as if to repeatedly kick the candyblood in the stomach, where he indicated, throwing your body forward and making a curious noise that sounded like an exclaimed wheeze and a sigh. All you were really doing, however, was kind of tapping him with your toes.
Then, after about four or five kicks, you climb onto the nearby counter where the computers were stationed, pointed to the ceiling with both arms extended, then dove at Kracow with an elbow extended.
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