==> run game [alto]

[gwen]

Your name is GWEN MCBRIDE.

You are the elitest jerk to end all elitist with only ONE TRUE INTEREST. You are the master of all things VIDEO GAMES, and you spit on the suggestion that you are a gamer girl. You are simply a GAMER; the gamer to end them all, in fact. You want to WIN EVERYTHING. Actually, winning is not enough for you when you can COMPLETELY OBLITERATE YOUR ENEMIES' HOPES AND DREAMS. You may have a bit of a ONE TRACK MIND, now that you think about it.

Your GUARDIAN only makes enough to get by, so you live in an OVERSIZED CLOSET that closely resembles a dump. You are DIRT BROKE, but that hasn't stopped you from building a MASTERPIECE OF COMPUTER ENGINEERING to serve as your desktop computer on your coffee table. It may EXPLODE at any moment.

You're VERY EXCITED to play the new beta, not in the least because you want to show the other teams that JUST THEY'RE NOT UP TO SNUFF. You're confident that your team will win (despite the growing odds), but you fear that your online friends will find out that YOU'RE ACTUALLY A GIRL, because you've never mentioned that to any of them before.

Your chumhandle is stealthSentinel and you laugh like a maniac kekekeke

What will you do?

-- stealthSentinel [SS] began pestering precariousDefector [PD] at 03:16 --

SS: hey
SS: clients running now
SS: doesnt seem like anythings different

Gwen didn't have a bedroom, she had a living room. Her guardian got the single bedroom, and she figured that was for the best since, well, Gwen didn't really want to know what her guardian was up to most of the time.

She had a tv against the wall, and her gaming PC--or whatever you want to call the mass of wires and fans and harddrives on her coffee table--connected to the old but very big screen. Gwen sat on the sofa, which doubled as her bed. Her fingers blazed across the keyboard, typing like there was a 40-man raid boss at her heels and her next words would make or save the raid.

Overall, the living room was maybe a size of a walk-in closet. There wasn't space for an alchemitizer anywhere.

Gwen alt-tabbed out of the game, and she couldn't help but facepalm when she saw that gamefaqs was shit out of guides for the sburb beta. Well, it was a brand new game, what could you do? Maybe she'd write a guide herself if she found some downtime. She'd just have to deal with a n00b on her team for a while. It could be worse--Gwen didn't know how, but she was sure it could be worse.

notes I'll get a nicer template eventually, and I think you can just reply with a pesterlog or suggest commands or whatever you want.

[alto]

-- precariousDefector [PD] replied to stealthSentinel [SS] at 03:20 --

PD: i can c ur room!
PD: wat a mess hehe
PD: kewl comp tho
PD: so any idea what i do here?
PD: ooh i can move stuff around
PD: i wont move anythin 2 big dont worry

An arrow picks up and moves some Red Bull cans into a hazhapard pile.

PD: this is sooooooooooooooo kewl

[gwen]

SS: im not too sure there arent any guides up on gamefaqs yet
SS: but the manual makes it sound like youre just supposed to set up some
SS: WHOA
SS: WHOA NO

She wasn't quite sure what she expected from her server player, but cleaning up her room was not kosher. Her lips pursed into a tight frown.

For some reason, she grabbed the nearest can of red bull and hurled it at Alto's pile of empty cans. It didn't accomplish anything besides toppling the pile, but it made Gwen feel better.

SS: DUDE
SS: DONT TOUCH MY STUFF
SS: okay i guess youre supposed to move stuff around
SS: but
SS: respect
SS: my shit
SS: okay
SS: okay so whatre you looking at
SS: any options to mess around with
SS: just give everything a whirl and well see what happens

[alto]

PD: awwww my pile ): fine
PD: but its kinda cramped here ill prbly need 2 move stuff later
PD: theres a select thing i got that
PD: then theres revise
PD: deploy
PD: phsomething registry
PD: grist cache (w/e THAT means)
PD: explore aetkhdfkdk (<- aka not gonna try 2 spell that!!)
PD: and somethin about alchemy
PD: should i deploy?? that looks lyk the best next step
PD: or revise
PD: WOAH

The room expands from the cleanest corner, probably crushing some stray neighbor's apartment. What a shame. Out of sheer luck or careful planning (no one is sure), he manages to not destroy any of their house.

PD: ttly like sims3!
PD: didnt even move any of ur stuff
PD: more room
PD: kazam

ooc: i think this is kosher, rose does it to john's house? i think it goes on in dave's to some extent but i haven't fully checked yet.

[gwen]

SS: okay so we have the phsomething and a lot of gibberish
SS: im going to regret saying this but
SS: just click around
SS: do whatever
SS: meanwhile im just going to brace myself for the apocalypse here
SS: dont mind me

That wasn't the apocalypse. In fact, that was pretty fucking awesome. Her face morphed into an expression caught between shock, awe, and OH FUCK YEAH as her apartment doubled in size.

"Day-um," she said.

SS: alright that was pretty hot shit i cant even lie
SS: and ill even throw you this bone
SS: that was a bit like sims three
SS: maybe theres hope for you yet
SS: any other revising options
SS: can you make me a swimming pool or something
SS: thatd be sweet
SS: maybe a little house for beaky too while youre at it

[alto]

PD: awww yeah!!
PD: told ya! :D
PD: there doesnt seem 2 b anything lyk that
PD: its lyk build mode in sims1 or sum shit
PD: no pools! lame
PD: heres a lil house tho

Wasting time and resources alike, Alto carefully constructs the walls of a tiny room using the step tool in the corner of the room.

[gwen]

SS: damn
SS: well i guess a pool was too much to hope for
SS: huh maybe i should check on the neighbors
SS: their place doesnt exist anymore
SS: nah
SS: fuck em kekekek
SS: thanks for the mouse house bro
SS: brb
SS: im going to go find beaky he should see his new crib
SS: you dick around with the controls
SS: see what other cool shit you can do

True to her word, Gwen crawled out of her nest of blankets, climbing over the back of the couch rather than risk bumping into her computer.

"Beaky? Beaky! Come here you rodent scuuuuu~m!" she cooed. He didn't seem to be in the living room though, so she trudged towards the bathroom, eyes searching the ground for any sight of grey fur.

She found him nesting deep in his newspaper home under the sink. Gwen grabbed the mouse, lifting him up and out, then onto her shoulder. "Alto's made you a new house. I thought he was kind of a loser--okay, he's still a loser--but not gonna lie, this is fucking sweet."

[alto]

PD: maybe if i had some way 2 make water i could make a hole in ur room & then youd have a pool
PD: oh well
PD: glad u lyk it! i hope ur pet thing lyks it too
PD: .... wait its a rat
PD: ....
PD: ok w/e im over here hehe cant get me

While Gwen is out of the room, Alto arranges some Red Bull cans in a pile again. "For space reasons." Then, he deploys the Cruxtruder in the extra area he created, taking care to allow room for passage to the house on the other side.

PD: wow these things r big
PD: theres a lot of them 2
PD: oh but some r grey & i cant click on them
PD: do i need all the ones i can do?

[gwen]

Gwen returned to the living room with Beaky still on her shoulder. She petted him amicably, and he nipped her finger.

This time, she didn't double-take so much at the living room. Okay, so the red bull cans were all piled up aside (again), but the swanky spangly shiny new thing was more than enough to make her not care at all.

"There, boy. Got a new fucking mansion for you, Beaky. Do me a favor and pick only one corner to shit in, thanks."

She sat down at the computer again.

SS: beaky is the sweetest thing
SS: he wouldnt get you even if i asked him to
SS: and dont mind the grey ones you cant click on
SS: i probably need to go up the echeladder a bit before i qualify for the seriously cool shit
SS: anyway
SS: the fuck is this thing
SS: and what do i do with it
SS: does it blow up
SS: because uh you should tell me about that in advance
SS: before i go dick around with it

[alto]

PD: i dun think it blows up but idk
PD: it could? it doesnt have a warning
PD: but i dun think so!!
PD: try messin w/ it
PD: c what it does

[gwen]

SS: good
SS: should be safe then
SS: going to mess with this big thing then

==> Mess with this big thing

This big thing has a wheel. You've always believed in turning wheels, just like how you've always believed in pushing red buttons. You know that nothing is a game is meant to be left untouched.

Turns out you can turn the wheel all you want, but the lid won't come off. There's definitely something underneath it though.

==> Find something to break this big thing open

You could throw Beaky's new house at it, but why would you do that???

You go to the kitchen in search of anything sharp. Yours eyes alight on an icepick stored besides the freezer. Most excellent!

==> Allocate icepick to strife specibus

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the ICEPICKKIND ABSTRACTUS.

With that done, you return to give this big thing a piece of your mind.

==> Slice lid off

Gwen leapt of the cruxtruder, stumbling back with the dexterity of a twinked out rogue. There was a blinding light.

So this shit did explode.

"Fuck! Fuck fuck--"

The light subsided, and Gwen squinted to see a cruxite dowel in front of her. She breathed a sigh of relief, but the calm only lasted until she saw the cruxtruder counting down.

12:17

12:16

12:15

Fuck.

SS: dude
SS: dude dude dude
SS: theres a timer on this piece of shit
SS: whats it mean
SS: and whats the pringles can for

[alto]

Alto stared at the countdown in horror. This was NOT what was supposed to happen!! Not that he knew what he what was actually supposed to happen. It just kind of filled him with dread, is all.
Messing with the camera view, he looked around the house and sky for what might be the cause. The meteor, only a speck in the distance, didn't catch his eye.

PD: well ill deploy the other stuff jic
PD: i dun c what its going to do
PD: keep an eye out i guess??

In a hurry, he deployed the Totem Lathe and Alchemiter in the space created and part of her room. The hazhapard placement made it quite impossible to easily transverse the small room, but he was more worried about getting all this worked out. Last to be deployed was a small card. He had no idea what this was for, but it was the last thing ungreyed, so he set it on top of the little "home".

PD: ur the gamer dude
PD: what do we do w/ all this stuff?
PD: mess w/ it or somethin IDK

[gwen]

This time, she wasn't as surprised when ginormous artifices dropped into place in her room. Gwen grabbed a bag of twizzlers from under the coffee table and started chewing on them in thought as she stared at the machines.

Stupid steampunk contraptions. Sure, they were all in vogue now, but really, how could anyone ever figure out how to use these things?

Without much grace, she climbed over the cruxtruder to get to Beaky's new house, where she retrieved the prepunched card. Gwen wrinkled her nose as she examined it--it must be useful, but it sure as hell looked pretty fucking useless.

SS: okay well
SS: ive got the card and theres a slot for the card in the weird machine against the wall
SS: i guess it goes in there because what else am i supposed to do with it
SS: and theres a space for the pringles can
SS: so i guess if i run that and everything explodes and then i die
SS: you can at least tell everyone else what NOT to do
SS: and you can also go to hell for being the worst server player imaginable too and you suck
SS: those are my last words should i die

The cruxite dowel wasn't as heavy as it looked, and Gwen easily carried and slid it into place on the totem lathe. Luckily, it fit perfectly. She didn't really care what Alto thought of her, but she didn't want to be caught trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

She deployed the pre-punched card with all do haste as the countdown counted away. The totem lathe whirred, and she smirked as it carved the cruxite dowel. Clearly, this had been the right thing to do. If not, well, at least it was a good red herring.

Above her head, a glowy sparkly thing warbled at her.

When the fuck did that shit get there?

SS: this just in im still alive
SS: i also just noticed
SS: theres this glowy thing
SS: and i think it talks in gibberish
SS: or i might be high maybe i had too much red bull like WAY too much red bull
SS: i dont think so though

[alto]

PD: HEY!!
PD: thats RUDE
PD: :I
PD: im doin my BEST we cant all b gaming superstars
PD: MR BUTT PANTS

In an incredibly lame act of aggression, he hid her Twizzlers under the couch, smiling at his own vindictiveness.

PD: wat NAO
PD: yeah ur alive i c
PD: :I
PD: i c it 2
PD: idk what 2 do w/ it
PD: touch it??
PD: or maybe throw somethin @ it??
PD: idk
PD: ur still mean btw
PD: y is every1 so RUDE 2day
PD: thought u were on my side
PD: ;(

[gwen]

SS: its not rude if its the truth
SS: but im still alive so youre not the worst server player
SS: yet
SS: WHOA HEY
SS: THOSE ARE MINE
SS: FOOD OF THE HEAVENS GIVE THAT HERE

She dived after the twizzlers, upturning the couch and sending all her blankets and pillows onto the floor.

The kernelsprite approached her blinking lights and sounds, and Gwen scowled at it in return, clutching her bag of twizzlers close to her chest. "Fuck you, no. This shit's manna from the old man on high, it's mine, you hear?"

SS: talk to fr if you want someone to hold your hand and paint your fingernails
SS: me im here to kill shit
SS: not that theres any shit to kill
SS: i think its looking at me funny
SS: like the blinking is growing incessant and cruel and malignant
SS: look
SS: im going to give it a twizzler
SS: just one

Arm outstretched with a single strand of red, licorice perfection in her hand, Gwen inched forward to approach the kernelsprite.

Lightly, she poked it with one end of twizzler.