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Post by slayer on Jun 12, 2012 8:55:41 GMT -6
==> SI: Brood [/size][/b] You wouldn't look, that's disgusting. There is no part of the female anatomy that interests you. Well, not after you discovered that your "Earth" equivalent is basically a pest to the humans. You're a "bug", more specifically an arthropod. From what you have gleaned from the human education system known as GOOGLE, bugs are fucking nasty. Unless they are beetles, you are not a beetle. You brood that you can't be one of the non-horrifying insects, but you will just have to live with this fate. You are pretty sure that female troll anatomy is nothing like the shiny and horrifying carapace of the female insect, but you are NOT WILLING TO TAKE ANY CHANCES. You watched videos of the females eating the males. Jegus fuck, would your matesprit have done that to you?! It dawns on you that you don't exactly know how troll reproduction happens, or if there is any sort of physical interaction required.
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: Bitch better not gum up my shower... [/spoiler] You say this almost SILENTLY, of course, lest you invoke Lofora's wrath. You also try to get your mind off of the HORRORS of insect BREEDING. It now occurs to you that a Mother Grub might have been VITAL to troll reproduction, due to the aforementioned HORROR of insect genitalia.
You are going to stop thinking about INSECT GENITALIA now.
GENITALIA.
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Post by lofora on Jun 12, 2012 9:12:33 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Finish.
You're almost done in there. You wash up a little bit more, make one hundred fucking percent sure you got all the disgusting shit off of you, and then you redress. You had previously forgotten how awful long, wet socks could be. You throw your boots, which you tried to keep dry and mostly succeeded, outside. You're just not going to wear them right now. You exit the shower, dressed and damp. You don't mind. It's actually really nice.
You pull your socks up as you exit. You always pull your socks as high as they go. You don't like showing off your legs, despite the fact that you have above-average legs, and that's a definite understatement. They go above the knees, and your self-cut-offs fall below your knee. Double layers of protection. Fuck yeah. You, of course, cleaned all of that shit up out of the drain with a bottle you had. It used to contain something, but it didn't anymore. But now it contains the grossest fruit shit ever. You're going to throw that as hard as you can right off the meteor.
LOFORA: ✯ w∞rd. thhaanks, duudeer.
You grin, feeling good. You always feel good after a shower, but you feel better after sitting in your hot tub. But you didn't want to use it right now. Later, probably. Maybe break open a cactus, just fucking 'cuz. Now that would be infinitely chill.
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Post by slayer on Jun 12, 2012 9:31:51 GMT -6
==> SI: Be a clean freak [/size][/b] You fucking inspect your shower. It is your BABY. If there is a single black Lofora hair in there, you are going to cut a bitch! You eye your beloved apparatus and decide that it is not only clean, it's fucking pristine. The gods themselves do not know this level of cleanliness, it is gogdamn beautiful. Yeah, you take your shower pretty fucking serious, but then again you lived UNDERWATER since forever, water is hella important to you, and any device that supplies you with this LIFE PRESERVING ELIXIR is INVALUABLE.
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: What the hell is it with your socks?
SLAIER: Why are they so long?
SLAIER: Why do you WEAR socks?
SLAIER: Clothing slows you down like a bitch underwater. [/spoiler] |
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Post by lofora on Jun 12, 2012 9:39:41 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Serious the fuck up.
Now he's insulting your socks. Damnit, you like your socks. But that's only because you don't like long pants, and you like being covered up. Fuck. You got caught in such a pickle, then the solution just came to you. So you've been wearing long socks ever since. You put on your serious face, walk right the fuck up to Slaier and point your index finger right on his chest, poking him.
LOFORA: ✯ myy s∞cks aaree seerii∞uus buusiineess.
LOFORA: ✯ d∞ n∞t, n∞t, n∞t criitiiciizee thheem.
You think he got the message. You remove your finger from his chest and walk away a few steps before turning and resuming the conversation.
[/center] LOFORA: ✯ thheeyy'ree suupeer neeaat∞.
LOFORA: ✯ beesiidees, ii neeveer reeaallyy hhaad t∞ g∞ meegaa ffaast uundeerwaateer aanyywaayys.
LOFORA: ✯ ii beet ii c∞uuld iiff ii hhaad t∞, siimplyy ffr∞m yyeeaars ∞ff c∞mpeensaatiing ff∞r reesiistaancee.
You shrug. You just like them. Besides, you wear so much clothing, it's not like a pair of socks really matter. And it's not like you don't flip off your vest when you swim anyway. Shit just fucking works out. Just like life. Poor Slaier, he probably doesn't even know that. You feel kinda bad. Not really bad, but there's a little twinge somewhere within you. You think that's related and not just aftersickness from being covered with rotting fruit.
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Post by slayer on Jun 12, 2012 9:48:51 GMT -6
==> SI: Be outraged [/size][/b] She's a fish! You're a fish! YOU'RE BOTH FISHES. How? Wha...You can't even begin to comprehend Lofora's attachment to socks. You don't understand her attachment to clothing at all. You didn't exactly go around in the nude, but you didn't ever wear this ungogly heavy pants or this tight as fuck shirt while swimming for your life. You understand that Lofora didn't exactly fear for her life, but she had to have learned SOME survival skills. Skills that involved not being bogged the fuck down by all of this heavy black shit. Why DO you wear so much black? For a race hellbent on separating shit based on color, you all seem to be fine that everyone wears the same color shirts and shit.
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: I don't get you.
SLAIER: Explain the socks thing to me.
SLAIER: Do it now while my attention is still captivated by your insanity. [/spoiler] You're going to get something that isn't black to wear. Eventually. You'll figure it out, you'll probably try and score some new clothes from the humans, they probably have some sweet shit that will fit you. You will pursue this later.
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Post by lofora on Jun 12, 2012 10:10:57 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Explain.
You sigh. Do you really have to explain everything? This constant explaining of self might get tiring soon. Slaier's lucky you consider him a friend. He's a good guy, and he's really trying, but sometimes...
LOFORA: ✯ ii hhaatee l∞ng paants.
LOFORA: ✯ s∞ ii maadee shh∞rts.
LOFORA: ✯ aand ii hhaatee beeiing t∞∞ eexp∞seed.
LOFORA: ✯ s∞ l∞ng s∞cks c∞veer uup whhaat thhee shh∞rts d∞n't.
That wasn't obvious? You wonder how Slaier lived with himself, unable to comprehend even the most basic of facts. You wouldn't tell him that though. He would probably start to cry. Also, wait, he just called you insane. Not cool. You cross your arms and pout at him, an obvious act of defiance. You don't like being called insane.
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Post by slayer on Jun 12, 2012 10:23:44 GMT -6
==> SI: fsdklj;fhsdkl;fhsd [/size][/b] Something in your think pan broke. You hope it wasn't important. For a brief moment, everything becomes a glob of colors and shapes. Lofora is temporarily rendered as a bespectacled seadweller with a cape and a silly scarf.
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: Hipster...fish... [/spoiler] You can't form proper words, so only two expletives slip your lips. Hipster is an expletive, right? You are pretty sure that being a hipster was once grounds for immediate culling. You should ask someone who would know about these things. You wish that someone wasn't Caegar.
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: Why do you..what?
SLAIER: What was your Lusus?
SLAIER: A sponge? [/spoiler] |
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Post by lofora on Jun 12, 2012 10:29:15 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Become flustered.
Ha, in Slaier's dreams. You remain cool and chill as always.
You move a hand through your wet hair. Trolls always try to get you down with the whole "hipster fish" thing, but you just brush it the fuck off. Nobody can harsh your mellow with such a shitty insult. Besides, Slaier's already half of that.
[/center] LOFORA: ✯ n∞, hhee waas aa jeellyyffiishh.
LOFORA: ✯ ii meeaan ii thhiink hhee waas aa hhee.
LOFORA: ✯ ii d∞n't aactuuaallyy reemeembeer iiff hhee eeveer t∞ld mee ∞thheerwiisee.
She did. You're just shit at remembering. But she forgave you.
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Post by slayer on Jun 12, 2012 10:34:52 GMT -6
==> SI: Brag [/size][/b] How dare she act all nonchalant! That was a sick burn! Everyone knows sponges are a silly animal and anyone with one as a lusus is less than a troll. You feel the need to throw Lofora's inferiority back in her face. Only, you can't think of reasons she would be inferior to you, it seems that all of your seadweller pride rushed out with your blood earlier. You have an idea. It is awesome.
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: My lusus was a giant underwater dragon.
SLAIER: I'm not saying he was better than your lusus.
SLAIER: But he was better than your lusus.
SLAIER: Also, he probably killed anyone you ever loved.
SLAIER: I shouldn't have said that. [/spoiler] Dragons are way up there on your list of favorite things. Right under scythes and My Little Hoofbeast.
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Post by lofora on Jun 12, 2012 10:46:20 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Give him a sick burn.
Two can play at this game. Or, they would, except you have better things to do. Like not be a huge bitch. Because you could totally be the hugest bitch in the world right now. You have about fifteen awful things you could say. But you don't. Because, insults or not, he's your friend. Your immature friend. Whatever.
LOFORA: ✯ yy∞uu'ree aa tyyriiaan bl∞∞d, n∞ shhiit yy∞uu hhaad thhee beetteer luusuus.
LOFORA: ✯ aand ii'll iign∞ree thhee laast paart ∞ff whhaat yy∞uu juust saaiid aand leeaavee iit aat thhaat.
You don't want to get in this shit again, especially since it's false. You love yourself, to some degree. Boom. Headshot. You are victory personified. Except not, but whatever.
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Post by slayer on Jun 12, 2012 10:57:18 GMT -6
==> SI: Be a gracious victor [/size][/b] NOPE. You briefly consider shooting more things at Lofora, because you're sure she just doesn't want to get into another argument with you. This nonconfrontational sock wearing hipsterbeast-haha hipsterbeast-thinks she can rustle your troll jimmies. Nope, nope, nope, never. For one, you don't even know what jimmies are, troll variety or otherwise.
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: Okay, okay.
SLAIER: I apologize. I'm done being a huge hoofbeast's ass.
SLAIER: Let's talk about what YOU want to talk about now.
SLAIER: Unless it's music. I swear to gog I will fucking rip your lips off with my eyelids if you put that shit on again. You're not even sure why you said that. It was stupid. Gog, why are you such a fucking moron, dude?
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Post by lofora on Jun 12, 2012 11:03:22 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Become troll Charlie Sheen.
You feel like you've already done this. In either case, winning. You're just thankful you can move on from this moronic discussion.
LOFORA: ✯ neeaat.
LOFORA: ✯ ...
LOFORA: ✯ ii d∞n't kn∞w whhaat ii waant t∞ taalk aab∞uut.
You didn't even bother paying attention to all that shit about lips and eyelids and such because you tuned out after "I swear to gog", then waited for quiet. It worked out very well on your behalf and you congratulate yourself on a job well done.
But in all that tuning out, you lost whatever train of thought you had. Now you have nothing. You're going to have to assemble that whole fucking thing by yourself. Shit.
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Post by slayer on Jun 12, 2012 11:21:55 GMT -6
==> SI: Silence [/size][/b] You have pretty much exhausted all of your current conversation topics. It's sad, but you think it's time you hung out with less crazy trolls. You're starting to feel like a hipster. You agree with the voice in your head. The one that isn't yours. You think...
[/justify][/size] SLAIER: I'm pretty sure we're done here, then.
SLAIER: So, like..spread the good word about teamwork with the humans.
SLAIER: Don't tell Caegar about my defiance of the hemospectrum.
SLAIER: I'm probably going to go off and ruin my life some more right now.
SLAIER: Probably head down into the lower levels of this facility, you know, explore.
SLAIER: I hear there's a lowblood who can clean anything. ANYTHING.
SLAIER: Cacti included. [/spoiler] You start to walk off casually, but before you get too far, the floor falls out from beneath you. Fuck.
[/justify][/size] [Slaier has totes left this thread.] |
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Post by lofora on Jun 12, 2012 11:25:09 GMT -6
==> Lofora: Throw that shit out.
After a stunningly awkward and unanticipated silence, Slaier bids farewell. In response, you give him two thumbs up, but quickly turn them to thumbs down when he mentions your precious cacti. The fuck?
You watch as he walks off, frowning. Then the floor drops from under him. He falls. You decide he can deal with it himself, and walk off elsewhere to dispose of your bottle of disgusting rotted fruit. While damp. What the fuck ever.
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